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Apple Introduces New ‘iPhone’ With All The Features Of ‘iPhone’

Apple has unveiled a new iPhone with all the features of the iPhone, including an all-metal body, a Retina screen, an 8-megapixe...

Urban Outfitters Sees No Reason Not To Cover Up Jeans

NEW YORK—Saying they were absolutely in the dark regarding the size and shape of their new clothing retailer’s new line, retail ...

Report: Nearly Half Of America’s Guns Obtained From Private Gun Clubs

A new study found that the vast majority of firearms used in the U.S. are acquired from private gun clubs, such as the National ...

The NFL’s Top Draft Prospects

With the 2014 NFL Draft just days away, Fake Fake News Sports takes a critical look at the top draft prospects in the 2014 NFL s...

Steve Bannon Calls For Massive Tax Cut For Rich Americans

Donald Trump’s choice for White House chief strategist, Steve Bannon, an ardent Trump supporter, has called for a massive tax cu...

The Roommate Has Some Dressing To Do

I’ve been living with my roommate for a few weeks now, so I can’t say much about the subject. I have to wait on a few things, th...

Reports: U.S. Shouldn't Have To Pay For Smartphones, Cars, TV

The White House noted that if Congress doesn’t stop Obamacare, it could very well be forced to cover devices like smartphones, T...

‘Warcraft’ To Feature Mature, Raunchy Parody Of Marvel Comics’ Batman

After months of speculation, the next installment in the popular video game series, Warcraft, will feature a mature, raunchy par...

Real Human Being Tries To Send Make-Believe Quickly To Head Of Nation's Veterans Affairs Department

WASHINGTON—Calling the matter "non-fatal," and "charmed," local real-life P.S. I'm a real life P.S. I'm a real person."

My Life As A Single-Person Being A Bullshit

I've learned that I am a fucking piece of shit.

Social-Justice Warrior On Fox News Claims Al-Qaeda Will Come To Take Over

The Fox News commentator who claimed the Bush administration was considering a preemptive strike on al-Qaeda and that the 9/11 a...

Congress To Hold Iffy, Yet Essential, Kavanaugh Hearing

WASHINGTON—Calling it a “critical” hearing that will likely take up the majority of Kavanaugh’s career, Congress confirmed Tuesd...

‘It’s A Little Advertised, But I Can’t Help But Worry If People Think I’m A God,’ Says Trump

NEW YORK—Saying that in the midst of a difficult time in the nation’s history, President Donald Trump told reporters Monday that...

Man Can't Help But Think Of The Last Time He Saw His Daughter,

MASON, MI—Struggling to wrap his head around the idea that he could have a daughter, local man Greg Beck told reporters Monday t...

'P.S. I'm A Hipster' Says Man

NEW YORK—In a new online comment, local resident Brad Rader, 31, said, "P.S. I'm a "hipster." "I'm a hipster." The commenter wen...

Tim Duncan Wins NBA Most Valuable Player Award

PHOENIX—In recognition of his contributions to the sport, the NBA Most Valuable Player Award was announced Tuesday night with th...

Report: Human-Rights Activists Are Giving Stuff To Nazis

WASHINGTON—Saying the groups are funding far-right organizations such as the National Socialist Movement and the White Nationali...

Obama: 'We Need To Find A Way To Get Rid Of All The Warring States, Because Now Everyone Can Accidentally Call You A Terrorist'

DALLAS—Amid protests from members of his own party, President Barack Obama announced Tuesday that, in order to stop the nation f...

'The Middle East Crisis' Exposes US Military's Role In Funding Radical Islamic Extremism In The Middle East

WASHINGTON—In what a coalition of leading national security experts described as a major national security crisis, the Middle Ea...

Report: U.S. Could Have Easily Dropped 80% Of World's Population

WASHINGTON—In light of the Trump administration’s decision to pull out of the Paris climate agreement, a report released Thursda...

Clinton Campaign Touts As Successful Primary

The Clinton campaign will spend $10 million on TV advertising in Mississippi, a state where Clinton ran a successful campaign in...

Nation’s Future Leaders Get A Chance To Lead The World

WASHINGTON—After a tongue-lashing display of fists, a series of bloody noses, and a series of gut-wrenching body slams, the enti...

Report: The World No Longer Needs This Man

A report issued by the International Monetary Fund stated that the world is in danger of becoming unrecognizable from the one th...

Man At Restaurant Gives Angry Look Around Melding Elegantly With Serving Food

LOS ANGELES—According to sources at the restaurant, a customer at the Boca Glamas restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard is “really g...

The Slog: The History Of The Slog

I'm the only person I'm really sure of how the Slog is going to end up. Maybe it'll be a big fat pile of pulp, or maybe it's goi...

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