Because We're All Out Of Ideas

Most recent local stories:

Man Finds It Tough Being Beloved By Everyone

EAST LANSING, MI—Sources confirmed Monday that local 36-year-old Justin Dahlen finds it hard being loved by every person he meet...

Man Unaware He Has A Deadbeat Dad Trying To Give Him A Kidnap

TACOMA, WA—Saying that he has spent the past few months planning and executing the elaborate scheme, area man Aaron Dowd has rep...

Dad Wishes He Had More Time To Get Clean

CINCINNATI—Saying that he wanted to make sure he got the proper help, local father Michael Montgomery told reporters Thursday th...

Man Who Wishes He Wasn’t Overly Glamourous Can’t Wait To See What Kind Of Man He Is Going To Be When He Grows Older

COLUMBIA, SCOTLAND—Saying that he wished he could stop feeling like such an outcast by the age of 40, local man Will Hutton conf...

Man Who Has Never Been To Area Has No Idea Why

BELLEVUE, WA—According to sources, local man David Graber, who has never been to the area, has no idea why he has never been to ...

2-Year-Old Starting To Think He's Going To League For Life

ANN ARBOR, MI—In a moving and touching testimony before a local grand jury, Brian Moran, 2, told some of his friends that he is ...

Man Wishes He Was In Better Place When He Was Born

ATHENS, GA—Unable to remember a time when he wasn’t surrounded by family, friends, and coworkers by the numbers on the front of ...

Is It Too Much To Ask For A Date With A Man Who Got Just Famous For Something?

It’s been a long time coming. But in the city I call home, it is never too late to ask for a date.

Man Has No Idea Why He Ever Noticed *Nothing* About The Holocaust

WILMINGTON, DE—Expressing dismay and confusion over the terrible human tragedy that had occurred, local man Adam Griffin told re...

Report: No One In Crowd Has Ever Seen That Man Stuck Like That Before

CHICAGO—According to a report published Monday, no one in the crowd at the Nowhere Beer Festival had ever seen a 66-year-old man...

Woman Who Never Wasn’t A Winner Of The Cupcake-Making Contest Has No Idea What To Do With Touch

HARTFORD, CT—Saying she had been working on a winning formula ever since winning the last two competitions, local cupcake-maker ...

Parents Unveil Plans To Give Up Smoking

STANFORD, CA—In a moment of calm and compassion, sources confirmed Tuesday that local parents Doug and Dolores Wolk have announc...

Man Just Thinks He's Really Good At Being A Year-Old Man

LANCASTER, PA—Saying he has no idea what he's doing to be a success in the small-town world, local man Aaron Dawson told reporte...

Report: Even The Most Patient People In Your Life Now Have To Live With This Life In Itself

ATLANTA—Saying that they were now forced to live with it in their own way, local man Greg Carey told reporters Monday that even ...

Divorced Dad Just Thinking He’ll Just Try To Get More Attention Out Of This

BROOKLYN, NY—With his daughter’s graduation looming, local dad Robert Esposito was just thinking Wednesday that he could just tr...

Man Who Caters To Customers Only Called Him Twice

LANCASTER, PA—According to sources, Peter Stiles, the man who caters to customers only in the form of phone calls, regularly cal...

Man Who Got Married To Other Woman Just To Be Her Mother

HARTFORD, CT—According to reports, local man Michael Baigen, who already had children with a woman named Carrie, was thrilled to...

Man Really Trying To Get Good At Football

BRENTIN, WA—Seeking the very best possible learning curve, local 35-year-old Scott McDonald is reportedly trying to get his foot...

Man Who Wasn’t Renting His Car To Go See ‘The Hobbit’ Is Now Doing More Than Just That

BELMONT, MA—Expressing excitement about the new project, area man Andrew Nedomansky, who had never rented his car for a trip to ...

Biggest Loser Is This Thing I Used To Be

AUSTIN, TX—The people closest to you are all your biggest losers, and you just don’t know how you’re supposed to respond to ever...

Man Who Make-Believe Has 50 Yanks To Be Handed Over To Nurse

SLAYTON, NJ—After weeks of efforts to address the recent rash of hospital admissions, Dr. Robert Schneider, a practicing persona...

Man Excited About Being Dazzled By Lax Laws Of Physics

CLEVELAND—Feeling a warm, fuzzy feeling about being a bit of a pussy, local man Brandon McInerney admitted Monday that he was ex...

Woman Almost Tears Up At Meeting Given She's Only Female

CHICAGO—At a group dinner Thursday, area woman Dianne Wylie almost threw up when she overheard an interview for her new job as a...

Man Who's Already Had 10 Years Of This Get-Along With Him Is Just The Man You Want To See Tragedy

WEXPO, WA—Noting the fact that he had waited 10 years to have a family, sources confirmed Friday that the man who had already ha...

Man Wishes He Could Use Most Of Birthday Speech To Set Up For Next Event

NEWTON, MA—Noting that there was nothing quite like hearing his old college roommate's excitement about being in a party, 34-yea...

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