Because We're All Out Of Ideas

Most recent local stories:

Man Has No Idea How Much Less Lucky He Is

COLUMBIA, SC—Saying that he does not know what he is missing out on, local man Craig Nesbitt reportedly has no idea how much les...

Video Of Homeless Man Being Forced From Seat

ABERDEEN, ID—In a move meant to stem the spread of the plague, the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development announced Mo...

Man Excited To See If It Still Possible To Get 3 Hours Of Sleep

NEW YORK—Expressing a strong desire to find out for himself just how much longer he can stay awake, local man Michael Pazder exp...

Man Terrified He Could Never Make It Out Of Bed Again

FORT WAYNE, IN—Several weeks after his first day of work, local man Alan Schulhofer was reportedly terrified that he would never...

Hey, Guys, I’m A Sane, A Good Man, And I Just Want To Be A Good Boy

Hey, everybody, I’m a relative of yours, and I’m a good guy. If you guys have any questions about my past, or how I got so lucky...

Man Leaving Bar Has No Idea He’s A Lass

MONROEVILLE, PA—Despite the fact that he was wearing some pretty tight clothes, local man Dave Schulhoff, 29, has no idea that h...

Woman Who Never Married Has No Idea Why

WASHINGTON, DC—Thirty-five-year-old local woman Mary Bracht, who has never married and is said to be a virgin, has no idea why s...

Restaurant Customers Excited To Spend Actual Hour Eating Something Itself

MILWAUKEN, NH—Concerned about their health, the restaurant patrons of Ponderosa's Ice Cream Parlor in Milwaukie, NH reportedly e...

Team Of Bikini-Wearing Men Carefully Retrieving Stolen Almanac From Fourth-Grade Teacher's Ridiculous Item Box

CHICAGO—In an act of childishly charming and oddly coordinated, a group of the demented, bikinis-wearing men reportedly careless...

Man Can’t Believe He’s Getting Covered In New Adult Novel

TACOMA, WA—Sighing exasperatedly to reporters as he read the first sentence in the 45-page book, area man Bill Webb told reporte...

Report: Highway Patrol Officer Asks For Help In Riding On Hoverboard

LOS ANGELES—Saying he had crashed his vehicle into a *tiny* patch of water, local law enforcement officer Aaron Coleman reported...

Man Just Shows Where He’s Going To Get None Of The Stuff He Needs

GOSNY, NY—Saying that he just has “a few empty buckets” to get the whole lot of him down in one go, local man John Hardin, 28, r...

Man Who Made $10,000 In 3 Months Can’t Believe He’s Already Found $10,000 In His Pocket

SPRINGFIELD, MA—Noting that he’s already put the money away and hasn’t even started to get his savings together, local husband S...

Man Persuaded To Stop Wearing Skirt To Work

BETHESDA, MD—An employee at the catering service Callaway & Redburg confirmed Monday that he has been wearing his “skirt” to wor...

Fire-Spewing Crime Scene Appears Uninvited

ST. LOUIS—A well-dressed arsonist has reportedly gone up to the top of the charred remains of the burned-out main entrance to th...

Shuffleboard Stuck In Toddler’s Hands

KENOSHA, WI—According to sources, a small child did not master the basic instructions to assemble the wooden paddle boards that ...

New Family Reunion Goes Off Without A Hitch

ST. LOUIS—The reunion of the low-level family of four has gone off without a hitch, family members confirmed Monday. "My aunt an...

Night Of Soaked Up In Water Makes You Go Dumb

PORTSMOUTH, NH—Saying the experience would be hard to describe, local man Rufus Annenberg confirmed Wednesday that his nightly s...

Mom’s First Child ‘Like A Bad Boy’ After Girlfriend’s Death

DULUTH, MN—Stopping her in her tracks as her daughter’s body began to move in slow motion, local mother Gwen McCauley’s first ch...

Puppy Buddy Killed In Shooting

A San Diego man who reportedly stated that he would rather watch people playing baseball than hurt puppies has been arrested.

Man Enraged After Having To Use Rare Combos To Reach Top Of Elevated Window

PHILADELPHIA—Emphasizing that he’s “shocked” to discover that the fine line separating “superior” from “superior” actually only ...

Man Feels A Little Groggy After Watching Men In Uniform Kill One Another

CHICAGO—Saying he was feeling a bit frayed after watching the gruesome spectacle, local man Matthew Gallagher told reporters Thu...

Some Kind Of Sane Man Only Knows He's A Child For A Reason

PHILADELPHIA—According to local sources, a man who is,, at present, the only person in his life who has ever known him as a chil...

Man Puts On Some Pretty Solid Shoes

DANBURY, CT—According to sources, Danbury resident Adam Roush, 27, informed his friends Tuesday that he was putting on some pret...

Pinned Down By Unknown Force

SCOTTSDALE, AZ—Kenneth J. Hroldsen, 29, was pinned down by an unknown force, sources reported Tuesday.

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Thus, any and all statements made in articles are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.