Because We're All Out Of Ideas

Most recent local stories:

Herpetologist Admits He Didn’t Know What He Got In The Way Of Studying Animals

GOSHEN, WA—Saying that he was surprised to find his study was able to capture a variety of information from a variety of animals...

Report: Majority Of People Who Eat Pizza Have Fun With It

BROOKLYN, NY—According to a report published Wednesday in the Journal Of The American Dietetic Association, the vast majority of...

‘Wicked’ Woman Has Had 15 Years To Kill

GREENSBORO, NJ—Noting that she’s been here for 30 years, local woman Megan Matthews told reporters Thursday that she has had 15 ...

Report: 'Gay And Lesbian' Film No Longer Affecting Life Of Cable News Reporter

CINCINNATI—According to a report published Monday in which professionals who work in cable news said that ABC's The View is no l...

Girl Having Conversations With People Who Don’t Understand Her

LEXINGTON, DE—Expressing her deep gratitude for the opportunities she’d been given, local girl Megan Schreiner told reporters Fr...

Man Currently Having Thoughts About Getting His Groove Back

CLEVELAND—Expressing his deep, sincere gratitude for the opportunity to grow in a new direction, local man David Lemire confirme...

Man Has Known For 20 Years That He’s A Terrible Person

WASHINGTON—Noting that he’s always been known for his bad behaviors, sources close to local resident Matthew Lukas confirmed Mon...

New Bills Dark-Skinned QB

The Bills have announced that undrafted rookie quarterback Tyrod Taylor will be the team’s starting quarterback for the upcoming...

A Lot Of Food

SALEM, NC—According to sources, the food at this year’s local restaurant were actually pretty good. “I think the plate was mediu...

New Ad Campaign Allows Parents To Talk About Kids’s Loves With Kids

LANSING, MI—In an effort to help address the concerns of parents across the country about how their kids are being treated by th...

Woman Who Gets Paparazzi To Change Name To Help Self-Harm Cure She's Having

GRAND PRAIRIE, TX—In an effort to raise awareness about the serious health risks she faces, local woman Becca Lawrence confirmed...

Roommate Can't Wait To Get Back Together With His Husband Again

LANCASTER, PA—Noting that he feels so blessed to be reunited with his partner for a second time, area man Dan Zander confirmed F...

‘I’m Ain’t Got No Guns,’ Says Newly Unarmed Man

GREENSBORO, NC—Expressing his desire to be left alone and free from the yoke of firearms, a newly unarmed man told reporters Thu...

Mom Always Wanted To Have Kids But Didn’t

DALLAS—Saying that she had grown tired of waiting around for them to happen, local mother Carol Ann Linden told reporters Thursd...

Report: Baltimore Mayor Stuck In Traffic For 12 Hours Last Week

BALTIMORE—The city of Baltimore was reportedly stuck in traffic for 12 hours last week due to an ongoing traffic jam, sources co...

Area Woman: 'Let's Just Let The Doctor Tell Me How To Do This'

SACRAMENTO, CA—Calling it the most difficult decision she’ll ever have to make, area woman Laura Stokes reportedly told reporter...

Man Who Wasn’t Loved In Childhood Shuts Down To Shoplift

LOUISVILLE, IN—Saying he had no choice but to take what he knew was a necessary step toward his personal recovery, local man Ale...

Mother Just Told That She’s Coming To Dinner With Some Other Girl

CHICAGO—Feeling that she had no idea what was going on, local mother of three Rachel Hahn told reporters Sunday that she had jus...

Man Who Only Ever Played Game Of Golf If He Has To Is Now The Only One Who Has To Play All The Time

BALTIMORE—According to the latest results from the U.S. Open, Tom Loeffler, who only ever played the game if he has to, is now t...

Man Just Realizes He Always Thought He Was So Cool Before

SAGINAW, MI—In the midst of a recent bout of drinking and binge-eating, area man Ethan Belzer woke up Wednesday morning to the r...

Big Cat Heartfelt After Seeing Coyote On TV

BROOKLINE, MA—In the midst of a frenzied, prolonged engagement with his ex-girlfriend, local dog Jack, who had been the subject ...

‘I Like It,’ Willing To Pay For It, Reports Woman Back Home

BOSTON—Saying that she wanted to get something out of the situation before she moved on to another, the woman back home reported...

Area Man Suspicious About His Family’s Relationship With the Nation’s Social Science Teachers

LITTLETON, IN—Speaking with several degrees of skepticism about the social sciences he is always learning about in a classroom s...

Resignation Of Sister Despite Successful, Long-Term Relationship

ANAHEIM, CA—Citing her natural inclination toward the woman who had been her older sister for the past three decades, sources at...

Waitress Who Just Left Bacon-Filled Plate With ‘Beer Slap’ On It Just Went Out Of Business

NEW YORK—In a move that is sure to cause a stir among restaurant fans, a Manhattan eatery is reportedly shutting down in a move ...

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Thus, any and all statements made in articles are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.