Man Who Confusedly Told Friends He Was Gay To Be Gay Again

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By Johnathon McRobotface

NEW HAVEN, CT—With a chance to finally give the other half of his life some closure, local man Alan Foster confirmed Wednesday that he had shocked friends once again Tuesday by telling his coworkers the truth that he was gay. “Whoa, whoa, there,” said Foster, confirming that he was lying to them and that they were wrong about him from the beginning. “Christ, they’re all right.” At press time, a visibly relieved Foster was hanging around his coworkers for more than an hour, offering to fix their broken relationships and all the problems they had caused.

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