‘You’re Such A Smethinker,’ Says Man With Afternoon Fever

men

By Elmo McRobotface

SACRAMENTO, CA—Charging that you’re “a total hypocrite” for not following his pro-abortion agenda, local man Adam Abrams reportedly said “you’re such a smethinker” Friday while sitting at his desk in the same room of his girlfriend, who he revealed was his “real smethinker.” “Ladies and gentlemen, I am so obviously a complete hypocrite that I must be a total smethinker,” said Abrams, adding that his “honest” views on abortion were so obvious that “it’s hard to believe someone would even consider this” in their own lives. “If you go back and look at my entire life, I’ve never once given a damn about abortion. You know what? It’s like I don’t even know every word of the pro-life movement. You know what? Go ahead and sit right there, because I’m your real smethinker.” At press time, Abrams had reportedly left the room after discovering that “you’re the real smethinker.”

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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