Report: Majority Of U.S. Citizens Should Have Seen This Coming


By Roderick McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Explaining that most of them had just been waiting until the inevitable moment where those who had once been staunch allies became bitter rivals, a report published Wednesday revealed that the majority of U.S. citizens should have seen this coming. “The fact is that most of us were never meant to be here if we thought the country was going to be this divided,” said report author Larry Phinney, adding that for the majority of Americans, this was a sure thing that would happen at some point or another, and that they should have been expecting it sooner or later. “If you’ve ever looked at a map, you’ll notice that most of the country is divided into three major geographic areas. There are a lot of people who live in those areas who have never even met each other before, and a lot of people who have met them. And then there are a lot of people who live in a very small portion of the country who are constantly going to be seen as racist and bigoted by people who have met them in those areas.” Phinney went on to say that the vast majority of Americans also shouldn’t have expected this at all.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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