‘You Will Die Here,’ Says Local Man Pulling Over To Join In On The Fun
By Chad McRobotface
SACRAMENTO, CA—In what some are calling a personal first, local man Bryan Thomas, 26, reportedly backed out and left a friend’s rescue dog in the car, signaling his impending demise. “I’m sorry, Bryan, but I need you to understand,” said Thomas, who reportedly locked himself in his trunk for the foreseeable future, only to climb out moments later after realizing his friend’s 8-year-old pug had to be put down. “You have my heart, but you have to respect some more. I hate to see you leave that damn thing lying around, but you’re the only one I ever want to see die.” At press time, Thomas had reportedly pulled up to a nearby gas station to pay for the gas that he didn’t have to pay for.