‘Fuck It,’ Awe-Wearing Man Says
By Stefaan McRobotface
PLYMOUTH, NH—In the wake of a recent conversation with an acquaintance, local man Larry Ross reportedly began to experience a sudden, deep sense of uneasiness, a feeling that he could never truly be proud of and that, in fact, he had no reason for not being completely and utterly wrapped in a green, silk blanket. “Fuck it,” said the wistful man, who, according to sources, was about to commit suicide at the hands of a friend who had just passed off a cup of tea and was having a friendly conversation with a woman who had just arrived home. “Fuck it, I’m going to throw away my life.” At press time, Ross had reportedly expressed a wish for a better life, but was then told that he was going to die on some fucking Sunday.