Report: More Women Than Ever Engaged In Sexual Activity That They Would Not Have Just Instinctively Performed Had They Known It Would Be That Hard To Get Through


By Christopher McRobotface

AMES, IA—According to a new report published Friday by the University of Iowa, more women than ever are engaged in sexual activity that is totally out of their control. “Our data clearly shows that women are constantly engaging in sexual activity that, given the circumstances, they would have absolutely no reason to have performed,” said lead author Janet Lipscomb, adding that the two-thirds of women surveyed who consciously perform oral sex on a stranger and then tell their girlfriends they are incredibly lucky they are not thieving thieves are not doing anything wrong. “In many cases, these women are performing most of the work of their lives with a man who is worth more than $400,000. Given the circumstances, they would have absolutely no reason to have had sex with that man if they knew he was a vampire.” The report also found that 84 percent of all women who are engaged in sex with a man are, in fact, having sex with a man.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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