Study Finds Majority Of Americans Never Put On New Jerseys

studies

By Colin McRobotface

BOSTON—Saying that the vast majority of the country’s athletes never put on a pair of new jerseys, a study released Monday by Boston University’s Department of Sports has found that the vast majority of Americans never put on a pair of new jerseys. “Our findings suggest that in every one of the sports that we study, a significant proportion of participants have never worn a new jersey in front of their teammates,” said head researcher Morgan Jenkins, explaining that, of the 32 sports studied, nine indicated that at least half of the participants had never worn a new jersey or jersey in the middle of the field, six indicated that at least 40 percent of the participants had worn a new jersey without leaving the field of play, and 12 indicated that at least 70 percent of the participants had worn a new jersey during the game. “The figures are staggering, and among the sports studied, the vast majority of people have never worn a new jersey at all.” Jenkins added that, of the more than 100 sports studied, the vast majority of people have never worn a jersey in the middle of the field, and the vast majority of people have never worn a jersey at all.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


You may also like: