'This Is A Perfect Situation For Me,' Trump Says After Being Conned By A $5 Billion Pyramid


By Jean McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Speaking to reporters in his first public appearance since being scammed by a $5 billion pyramid, President Donald Trump reportedly said Thursday that he was “fully capable” of taking this kind of money. “I have the ability to take any amount of money right now, and I’m currently in the process of doing just that,” said the president, adding that he had “zero chance” of ever returning the $5 billion pyramid’s 5,000 million square foot, 1.9 billion square foot, and 2.7 billion square foot pieces of real estate. “I’m not saying I’m going to put it all in, but I’m making a good enough deal to be able to put some of it in the next few weeks. The thing is, I’m talking about a $5 billion pyramid, and I’m talking about a person who has the ability to take money from the pyramid and put it in his or her own pocket.” At press time, Trump reportedly went on to say that he had a few more weeks to figure out how best to proceed.

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