Nation Struggles To Make Out With Faint-Eyed Man


By Jaime McRobotface

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the Pew Research Center, the nation is struggling to make out with a faint-eyed man.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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