Man Who Hasn’t Built A Case For Being A Good Person Is Totally Going To Be A Total Bitch
By Rosendo McRobotface
COLUMBUS, OH—In an effort to undercut a person accusing him of being immoral, local man Joe Ewert, who has not yet provided any evidence of wrongdoing, was reportedly going to complete his year in the most complete and thorough fashion possible Tuesday. “I’m in a strong position to prove that I am a good person because I’ve been accused of being just like everyone else,” said Ewert, who has not even provided a single solid argument for why he is worthy of being called a sociopath. “This is my chance to finally point out that I am anything other than a completely malicious, shallow, and totally unhinged individual.” At press time, Ewert had failed to do so and was going to spend the rest of his life as a total jerk.