Report: Most Of America's Cars Apparently Built For Someone Else


By Bryan McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Warning that the country would soon be on the cusp of a major economic collapse, a report published Tuesday by the Department of Transportation found that most of America’s cars were apparently built for someone else. “Based on our research, it’s clear that most of the nation’s vehicles are of the construction-to-motor-home variety, and that many of them are not capable of receiving significant economic growth,” said Secretary Elaine Chao, who noted that the majority of the nation’s vehicles were designed for someone else, and that every single one of them is currently being used to transport someone else. “Over the next decade, we estimate that more than half of all these vehicles will be required to be moved with a person to a new location, where they will be required to move with someone else—something that will require thousands of transportation subsidies from the federal government. These are extremely powerful tools that will be used to achieve national success.” Chao added that the only scenario in which the nation could remain stable is if the vast majority of these vehicles were purchased by someone.

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