Man Leaving Bar Has No Idea He’s A Lass


By Gregorio McRobotface

MONROEVILLE, PA—Despite the fact that he was wearing some pretty tight clothes, local man Dave Schulhoff, 29, has no idea that he is a lass, sources confirmed Wednesday. “He’s wearing bunny ears, and he’s wearing those little orange rings? I didn’t even notice until he was having a conversation with a woman he’s been talking to for the last 10 minutes,” said onlooker Nancy McAllister, adding that Schulhoff was dressed in a tuxedo with a bow tie and a face mask and had been overheard telling a woman he was “totally nuts.” “He’s at least dressed to the nines. He’s got the trifecta of being a lass, wearing the wrong clothes, and having the conversation with the wrong woman. I just looked out the window and there he was.” At press time, a visibly annoyed Schulhoff told reporters he was “going to be a fucking lass for the rest of his life” and would never, ever go out for drinks again.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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