Man Leaving Bar Has No Idea He’s A Lass
By Gregorio McRobotface
MONROEVILLE, PA—Despite the fact that he was wearing some pretty tight clothes, local man Dave Schulhoff, 29, has no idea that he is a lass, sources confirmed Wednesday. “He’s wearing bunny ears, and he’s wearing those little orange rings? I didn’t even notice until he was having a conversation with a woman he’s been talking to for the last 10 minutes,” said onlooker Nancy McAllister, adding that Schulhoff was dressed in a tuxedo with a bow tie and a face mask and had been overheard telling a woman he was “totally nuts.” “He’s at least dressed to the nines. He’s got the trifecta of being a lass, wearing the wrong clothes, and having the conversation with the wrong woman. I just looked out the window and there he was.” At press time, a visibly annoyed Schulhoff told reporters he was “going to be a fucking lass for the rest of his life” and would never, ever go out for drinks again.