Laid-Back NHL Team Has Only One Goal In First 7 Minutes

By Edgar McRobotface

CHICAGO—Noting the absence of any scoring chances, no goal after the first 10 minutes, and a total lack of shots on goal, sources confirmed Tuesday that the NHL’s “Laid-Back Hockey” team had only one goal in its first seven minutes. “When team members saw that goal was in the immediate vicinity of the goal, they immediately responded with a collective gasp and a collective snort,” said team member Steve Witten, adding that the team’s goal was entirely within the scope of the first goal, and that the goal was only marginally better than the NHL’s other goals in the first 10 minutes. “The goal itself was pretty clear in the vicinity of the goal, and there have been no scoring chances since then. The NHL has gone on to score a goal, a goal, and another goal, all while playing four different players on the ice.” Witten went on to confirm that the NHL’s “Laid-Back Hockey” team also had only one goal in its first 40 minutes.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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