McKinsey Unveils New Line Of Private Prisons For Profit-Dripping Prisoners

By Shelby McRobotface

HOUSTON—Calling it the perfect solution for the United States’ rampant over-incarceration crisis, McKinsey announced Wednesday the release of a new line of privately held men’s prisons for profit-driving prisoners. “These prisons will be the perfect place for prisoners who are grossly overcharging their captors, who are simply too greedy to pay for their imprisonment, who are dangerously incompetent—even if in the most extreme cases they are actually suffering harm to themselves and others—to simply abuse their positions of power,” said McKinsey spokesperson Jennifer Roke, adding that the private prisons will be staffed by a company of experienced, highly trained professionals who will lead prisoners through a devastating series of psychological counseling sessions to ensure they are unable to make the most of their positions of power. “A prison is a prison, and the prison will be the perfect place for these highly unstable individuals to build their own prison.” Roke confirmed that the private prisons will be the first of McKinsey’s many prison companies to release prisoners with a proven commitment to the practice of genocide and extreme violence.

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