Man In Crowded House Has Goal Of Seeing To Each One Of Them


By Lance McRobotface

ATLANTA—Struggling to find a way to go from the first-floor living room to the kitchen and back, local man Harry Miller told reporters Friday he has a goal of having to see to every one of his neighbors. “I really don’t have a goal for each of you, but knowing how close I am to the others, I can’t help myself,” said Miller, adding that he thinks he could get some pretty close deals on the ground floor if he dialed his neighbor’s number. “I really don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, but I know I’m not the only one out there trying to figure out what I’ll do.” At press time, Miller had figured out what he wanted to do, but was still in the process of figuring out what he really wanted to do.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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