Woman Lying In Center Of Arena Crumbling Under Pressure


By Edwardo McRobotface

PHILADELPHIA—Rumbling and spluttering as she struggled to stand, a woman reportedly lying in the center of the Philadelphia Municipal arena on Monday was finally crumpling under pressure. “Ugh,” said spectator Jonathan Palmer, adding that the woman’s knees appeared to buckle under the pressure of the crowd and her body began to convulse violently. “This is really starting to break up the crowd. She’s barely moving at all.” At press time, the woman was lying on her back, writhing in pain and slowly sinking further into a coma.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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