Man Can’t Believe He Has To Go Through That Shit Every Night


By Rusty McRobotface

LOUISVILLE, KY—Saying he had no idea he could do so much worse, area man Derek Lawrence admitted Tuesday that he could never believe that he has to go through that shit every night. “Man, I wish I knew how to turn this up the other way, but I guess I just have to go through all this shit on a regular basis,” said Lawrence, explaining that he had no idea how he’d pull it off, but then again, he said, “I don’t even think I can do that anymore.” “How am I supposed to resist my urges? I’m completely enticed by the prospect of a more desirable sex life, but every night, I can’t help but go through all that shit? I just wish I knew how to take it like that.” At press time, Lawrence had reportedly decided to just take the bucket out of the trash and leave the way he was going.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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