'Pawn You’ll Never Believe Me,' Says Man Who At Least Doesn’t Want To Be Confused


By Ernesto McRobotface

BROOKLYN—Saying he was ready to make the person he knows at least comfortable with a thought, local man Bill Daniels told reporters Friday that he was ready to sleep with the idea of trusting someone who doesn’t want to be confused. “I’m okay with just letting you know that I’m okay with you telling me your problem and I’m okay with you making decisions about it, so long as we don’t get into arguments,” said Daniels, explaining that he just wants to make things work for the time being and not have to come in here every day just to talk about his personal issues. “I just want to be honest with you, and if you want to keep repeating that you’re the problem, then that’s cool. If you want to pretend that you’re the only one I’m trying to help you, that’s fine too. If you want to pretend that I want to be your friend, that’s fine too. It’s just what works for me right now.” At press time, Daniels said he was going to bum around the issue of whether he should offer to pay for the apartment you don’t have.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

You may also like: