Baffling Bears To Their Own Health

By Marty McRobotface

BALTIMORE—The Baltimore Ravens are reportedly still trying to nail down exactly how much their head injury is worth, after the team suffered a devastating hit to the head in practice. "These injuries are so severe that doctors say it's impossible to tell if they are worth the millions of dollars," said ESPN Ravens reporter Mike Reiss, adding that the NFL's Rehab Committee is currently deciding whether the Ravens should spend $2 million of their estimated $3 million salary on a brain-damaged Vince Young or a broken-down Ray Lewis. "While we've seen several footballs break their heads in practice and very recently, it's impossible to tell if they are worth the very least paying player in the NFL." Ravens head trainer Ed Hoke told reporters that the team has already cleared the concussion protocol, but that they will need to re-examine it after seeing a video of someone being hit in practice.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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