Man Who Make-Believe Has 50 Yanks To Be Handed Over To Nurse


By Carmelo McRobotface

SLAYTON, NJ—After weeks of efforts to address the recent rash of hospital admissions, Dr. Robert Schneider, a practicing personal nurse, announced Monday that he has received a request from the hospitals that all patients who make-believe have to be handed over to him as soon as possible. “Well, I see they’re only supposed to let in patients, but I’m not supposed to let in patients who are all made up out to be nurses,” said Schneider, who told reporters that he has been engaged in a lengthy and tedious procedure to save countless lives. “No, I’m not giving him any of the patients who are just supposed to be other patients. I’m giving him the patients who are supposed to be real patients. I think he might agree.” Schneider said he is surprised that no one has tried to stop him from handing over the patients; he has been trying to do so for the past three years.

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