ENCINITAS, CA—Noting that he had been a first-time student at the school and had no clue how to get a good start on the campus, college freshman Justin McFadden reportedly told his mother Friday that he should make her Monday the best ever. “Mom, you have to make this last weekend the best,” said McFadden, citing his own vague recollection of how his first two semesters were terrible and how he was always making excuses to hang out with classmates who aren’t his friends. “That’s fine. It’s not like I wasn’t able to get my first two after that. Just don’t make me run out to your dorm room and hang with your friends like that.” At press time, McFadden was frantically trying to figure out ways to play his guitar on his bed.