I'm On The Mall, I'm Callin' The Police

By Anton McRobotface

I'm an American boy, an American hero, an American hero in the truest sense of the word. People say I'm a hero, but they'll never believe me when I tell them that, for the last 18 years, I've been the first name in every one of my news feeds.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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