Urban Outfitters Sees No Reason Not To Cover Up Jeans

By Jake McRobotface

NEW YORK—Saying they were absolutely in the dark regarding the size and shape of their new clothing retailer’s new line, retail giant Urban Outfitters reportedly painted over all the jeans they will begin selling this fall, citing no real reason other than the fact that they are “jeans.” “I know they’re big, but they are sort of pants,” said Urban Outfitters CEO John Donahoe, adding that he could not be more certain that the jeans would be “jeans,” but was also vaguely familiar with their parent company’s extensive catalog of other clothes. “We’re not offering a size chart, but we do have to say that they are ‘chinos,’ ‘sandals,’ and ‘jeans.’” Donahoe went on to say that his company was recently ousted from a successful online clothing retailer, which in turn was pulled from an online shoe retailer, and which is currently undergoing a search for a new name.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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