Michael Jordan: 'I Don't Care If Other Athletes Want To Play Here'

By Gerardo McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Speaking Monday at the White House, President Michael Jordan cautioned the American people that, if he were elected president in 2012, he would immediately declare that he doesn’t care if other athletes want to play here at the White House. “I understand that the other athletes are here, and I enjoy watching them play, so I’m not going to go and ask them to leave,” said Jordan, explaining that he was “completely and utterly” committed to the country’s open borders and that “some people” might have a “different view” about it than he does, so he wouldn’t be asking these athletes to leave. “I’m just here to enjoy the game. I don’t have much to do.” Jordan then reportedly told the president that he “might be in a better place” now that he’s the only person who can play basketball in the entire country, which, according to sources, is “probably good.”

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