Report: Majority Of U.S. Citizens Don’t Know What They Want For Christmas


By Brice McRobotface

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Thursday by the Pew Research Center, more than a third of the U.S. populace does not even know what they want for Christmas, let alone how they will get it. “We found that a staggering 85 percent of Americans are completely clueless about what they’re looking forward to receiving as Christmas presents,” said lead researcher Edie Berbertson, adding that half of Americans are clueless as to how they’re going to give their presents to their kids or grandkids. “And there are some Americans who are pretty sure they’re going to receive a Christmas card, but at this point, they really don’t know what they’re looking forward to.” The report also noted that the majority of Americans do not know what they want for Christmas, which is why they’re looking for something.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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