Carly Fiorina Fires Firing Line

By Cornelius McRobotface

LOUISVILLE, KY—Saying that she had wanted to stay in the presidential race for as long as possible, Republican candidate Carly Fiorina reportedly fired her firing line Thursday. “By the time you’ve been out of the race for a year, I just stop selling out—that’s it,” said Fiorina, adding that she had been at the top of the polls for months before her decision to step down from the race. “I’m not saying that’s what’s going to happen, but I can tell you that there will be a big shakeup at the top, and people will be taking a hard look at me. It’s going to be a real gutsy leader.” Fiorina added that she was looking forward to the day when she could emerge as the new face of the Republican Party.

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