Man Wishes He Hadn’t Been So Committed To Being A Celebrity For So Long

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By Wilbert McRobotface

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA—Saying he never felt more committed to the cause of becoming a household name in the entertainment industry, local man Peter Ewald told reporters Monday that he wished he had never been so committed to being a celebrity for so long. “I honestly thought I was going to be like a big nerd for the rest of my life, but I guess I thought I could just walk into a studio and do a big thing for people like I’d done for, like, 10 years.” said Ewald, who is said to have been immediately sardonic about the idea of being a nationally known celebrity for so long before realizing that his career was about to be ruined by making a lot of money and being a household name. “I thought I was just going to be this struggling actor who has this big voice, but no one ever thought I’d make it to a big movie without having to pretend I’m really a star. It was all supposed to be me.” At press time, Ewald was trying to convince his girlfriend that he shouldn’t have to go through all this again.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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