‘I’m So Sorry For The Death Of Your Cousin,’ Screams Secretly

By Olen McRobotface

CINCINNATI—Struggling to express anguish upon learning that you had been killed, local man Eric Clark reportedly yelled “I’m so sorry for the death of your cousin” as quietly as he could Thursday before disappearing into the woods. “I’m so sorry for the death of your cousin!” said Clark, who reportedly then silently crawled back into the woods and buried his face in his hands as he quietly sobbed. “I’m so sorry for the death of your cousin, I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry for the death of your cousin!” At press time, Clark had reportedly found his way to the very bottom of the woods and was quietly crying as he quietly lay down in a comfortable position.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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