Man Accidentally Dies In Crossing


By Marcelino McRobotface

PORTAGE BLANC, IL—In the midst of a horrific road accident that claimed the life of local cyclist James Steele, the man who inadvertently caused the fatal — but preventable— cross-country rampage of a couple of hours ago reportedly died in the hospital Wednesday. “I just wanted to let you know that my friend Glenn, my second-favorite person in the world, is in the hospital with a gunshot wound to his leg and a broken foot,” said Steele’s friend Keith McInerny, whose car was reportedly riddled with bullets and whose name was on the front of the bloody car’s windshield. “He’s a real hero.” At press time, Steele’s family was asking for the public’s help finding his old photos of the two men.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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