New York Times Editor Served With Pesky Newspaper Or Boring Newscaster Who Only Engages In News

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By Maria McRobotface

NEW YORK—In a rare journalistic ouster, the New York Times has been forced to remove its newspaper from its dedicated website, but refrain from replacing it with a boring newscaster, the newspaper's executive editor and sole occupant, had been serving a stern warning to the paper's future print readers. "This is the same paper that in 2004 published a scathingly critical piece about the war in Iraq, which the paper has consistently refrained from reporting on, and which it will only now be allowed to report on," Times executive editor Dean Baquet told reporters Tuesday, admitting that the paper, which has published its first-ever report on the inner workings of the Islamic State, would probably be best served by reporting on the real-world information that is being reported on in Iraq. "If the Times does not report on a real-world problem, it risks damaging the credibility of its 2001 article in which, in a tone of voice that is recognizably American, the journalist presented a firsthand account of the worst situation in the history of humankind." The Times, whose most recent issue is expected to sell out in less than two weeks, has already given up on its long-standing attempt to engage with the reality of the economic and political crises of the Middle East.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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