John Kelly Enters Private Sector

By Stephen McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Speaking to reporters on Thursday, White House chief of staff John Kelly stated that he is currently in the midst of a detailed study of the White House’s private sector, including the company itself, the employees of the president’s private foundation, and the Clinton Foundation, which he recently discovered was receiving donations from a company with which he reportedly has had extensive business dealings. “I’ve been thinking a lot about the private sector, about the people who are working for it, and what it says about our country, and I want to know what you think,” said Kelly, who noted that he was also interested in interviewing a top executive at Foxconn, which he claimed has been a key player in the success of the Trump administration’s business model. “I know you’re interested in what I’ve learned so far, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. It’s important to know what private-sector employees have been telling you, because I really want to know if I’m hearing the same thing from the same people.” Kelly added that he was also looking forward to interviewing executives from Amazon, which he stated had been an important economic driver of the president’s tenure.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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