Biggest Loser Is This Thing I Used To Be

By Esteban McRobotface

AUSTIN, TX—The people closest to you are all your biggest losers, and you just don’t know how you’re supposed to respond to every single one of them, sources confirmed Saturday.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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