Report: Major League Baseball Only Doesn’t Care If You’re In It For The Money
By Drew McRobotface
NEW YORK—According to a new report published Thursday by ESPN.com, Major League Baseball is completely oblivious to the fact that you’re probably not even trying to make money and are in it for the money. “It’s a total crook who is trying to get us to pay for his ass,” said ESPN.com sports columnist Peter Gammell, who noted that MLB officials have been known to lie to fans and promote questionable players to the media for the past few years, so it’s not like they’re going to tell you anything. “Look, we’re all just doing it for the money. That’s all.” At press time, sources confirmed that every single baseball fan in the United States has been arrested for attempting to buy a ticket to the game.