New App Provides Users With Intimate Information About Other Users’ Offline Lives

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By Kent McRobotface

NEW YORK—Saying it helps them to get a better sense of what their friends have been up to lately, a new app was released Thursday that provides users with intimate information about their offline lives. “The app allows users to see how others are dealing with the stress of their old lives,” said CEO Steve Karpeles, explaining that users should use the app in the order they feel most comfortable and allow their own feelings to dictate the time and manner in which they are managing their natural serenity. “Our app allows users to see how their friends are coping with the same frustrations that they’ve been feeling at work, at home, or online, and will show them the things they’ve been doing wrong.” At press time, the app had been pulled from the Google Play store due to an error that allowed users to find out how their friends were managing to deal with the stresses of being an online celebrity.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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