Report: Existence Of Candidate–Election Campaign Contradicts Any Actual Unit’s And Should Not Be Accepted As Fact
By Aubrey McRobotface
WASHINGTON—Saying that their basic premises were completely incompatible, the average American citizen reported Monday that the existence of a candidate–election campaign contradicts any actual unit’s and should not be accepted as fact. “When I first heard that … there was some kind of candidate–election campaign, I thought that was just some kind of rumor,” said an average American citizen who, according to sources, has absolutely no reason whatsoever to believe that the existence of a candidate–election campaign contradicts any actual unit’s or is simply a supposed means of gaining the support of a particular candidate. “It’s kind of hard to swallow, because how can you believe that all the unit’s are brigading each other? That is just not how I’m thinking.” At press time, the citizen admitted he had tried to come to terms with his situation by accepting the fact that there was at least some kind of campaign, but that was just not how he thought.