‘I’m Sorry, But I Can’t Help But Think That If I Could Get Into That Firm, I’d Be In My 50s,’ Says Woman Who Has To Drive Every Time She Visits Home


By Fredrick McRobotface

STANFORD, CA—After storming out of her local Pizza Hut with her friends, local woman Emily Lindel, who is forced to drive every time she visits her home, admitted Thursday that she was sorry, but she couldn’t help but think that if she could get into that firm, she would be in her 50s. “I’m sorry, but I’m just so far removed from the rest of my friends, it’s hard to believe I’m sitting here making a half-assed effort to get in there every time I pass through,” said Lindel, adding that she was “seriously considering” a shoehorned entry into a family-run retail-services company that she had no recollection of ever having been into. “I’m pretty sure the last thing I’m thinking about is how it’s almost impossible to get a foot in the door at the pizza place I’m trying to get into, get accepted, and, at this point, I’m pretty sure I’m really doing some serious damage to myself.” At press time, Lindel was finally forced to reschedule her next appointment with her local chiropractor because it was “too painful” to walk around her neck for the rest of her life.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

You may also like: