Report: Only 2% Of Americans Turned On To Music By Unemployed People


By Dick McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Citing recent research that found the overwhelming majority of Americans were never exposed to music by interns, a report published Monday revealed that roughly two-thirds of all Americans are turned on to music by unemployed people. “Our research has found that only two percent of Americans who worked at an industry-related job for two weeks or less were exposed to music by non-employees,” said lead researcher Annie Jablonski, adding that the figure was significantly higher among those who had been employed for more than two years and had been laid off from their previous job. “Additionally, our data indicated that approximately 50 percent of those who were exposed to music by their former employers had never even been exposed to it by the people who had been fired.” According to the report, the overwhelming majority of Americans were then completely in love with music, you know, because they were either totally unaware that they were listening to it or they were aware that they were listening to it.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.

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