Dismembered Corpse Mysteriously Stuck In Poorly Shaped Square For Weeks
By Delmar McRobotface
HOUSTON—Sloppyly removing a part of the deceased body from the pavement, a dismembered corpse was reportedly stuck in a poorly-sealed square for weeks, sources confirmed Friday. “It was kinda weird, but it took a while for it to settle in and just kind of roll around,” said witness Danielle Kimbrell, adding that the corpse had trouble fitting in properly and was often forced to adjust its shape after it was decapitated. “It’s not like it was fully recovered, but it was definitely nowhere near normal. It’s like, ‘Okay, I guess it’s actually a person.’ It’s kind of a hassle, but somehow, it just kind of makes sense.” Kimbrell went on to claim that the corpse was eventually sold for parts after a contractor accidentally cut the head off.