Fourth-Grader Inning Can't Believe He’s Still Playing Football In This Economy


By Frederic McRobotface

PHILADELPHIA—Noting that he’s not even playing the sport anymore, area 4-year-old Evan Hollings told reporters Friday that he can’t believe he is still playing football in this economy. “I’ve got a bunch of credit cards,” said the 11-month-old, adding that he has been paying for his ticket to a football game with a check he’s been carrying around his waist. “I’m paying for a game at the stadium, too, of course, but I’m not even buying a ticket. I’m like, ‘What am I doing?’ Oh, I’m just going to sit here and watch a game for the rest of the day.” At press time, Hollings had gained a fair amount of weight.

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