Marketing Experts Warn Apple Has No Idea How To Stop Competition From Selling iPods To Each Other


By Yong McRobotface

CUPERTINO—Saying that Apple’s customers would be hard-pressed to find another product that does a better job of achieving similar levels of profitability, Apple executives told reporters Friday that they don’t even know how to stop competition from selling iPods to each other. “It’s going to be tough, but I think we’ll try our best,” said CEO Tim Cook, adding that while he doesn’t know if Apple could stop everyone from selling iPods to each other, he could at least try to get the resellers on board. “Come on, they’re just competitors, and if we’re not careful, we could see ourselves becoming like Sony or Nokia. I’m not saying this is an insurmountable problem, but it’s definitely something we have to watch out for.” At press time, the entire industry had confirmed that Apple could no longer even begin to compete with Spotify for subscribers.

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