Man’s Own Voice Can Be Treated With A Bandaid

By Stevie McRobotface

KENTUCKY, KY—In a notable new development in the study of the human voice, local man Mark Everson, a vocalist in the modern rock band The Smiths, told reporters Wednesday that his own voice can be treated with a bandage. “It’s not a lifetime’s worth of ear damage, though I’ve had some trouble with the vocal cords in the past,” said the 31-year-old vocalist of the band, adding that he has used a bandage on his vocal chords for about six months now. “I’ve had some trouble with it recently, so I’m just going to put a small bandage around my vocal cords for the foreseeable future. If it takes a few months of vocal therapy, then I might be able to return to singing.” At press time, Everson was reportedly thinking about returning to his previous vocal position, once again performing in front of a crowd.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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