New NASCAR Race-Specific Safety Car Will Be Only 1,500 Miles Long

By Jean McRobotface

INDIANAPOLIS—NASCAR officials announced Wednesday that a new NASCAR racing car will be only 1,500 miles long. "The new car will be more than a few hundred thousand miles longer than the existing one, and it will be right on track with a better than average chance of being destroyed by a rainstorm," said NASCAR chief Chris Buescher, who also claimed that the NASCAR car's rear wing had a 100 percent chance of being smashed by a car traveling 200 mph. "And if we're lucky, we could even take the car to the finish line, and it'll be fine." Buescher said that the new car will be capable of surviving a direct hit from a truck.

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