Pope Francis: 'God, How Long Can You Stand This?'

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By Gustavo McRobotface

VATICAN CITY—Speaking to a group of devotees at St. Peter’s Basilica, Pope Francis reportedly asked Sunday why they had to be here at all during the service, telling the crowd he had just handed them a few verses of the Bible to help them pray. “Well, just give me a little prayer and I’ll be good to go,” said the pope, who was accompanied by several other cardinals and archbishops as he stared blankly at the congregation for the better part of an hour. “Now, what do you say? I’m not going to just give you a handful of scripture and be done, okay? I want you to do a little work on the psalmody, too.” At press time, the pope had reportedly started to mutter to himself that he might be able to move on to the next thing after he realized they could no longer hear him over the hymns.

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