Report: Only Nation Where Brett Favre's Body Can Be Found Worth Dying

politics

By Karl McRobotface

WASHINGTON—In an alarming development that has made the nation’s death toll look like the fifth-largest in the world, the CDC announced Tuesday that only the United States of America is home to Brett Favre’s body. “Over the past year, the CDC has identified the nation with the highest death toll of any industrialized nation, and in cases where the bodies are found outside of the U.S., we are advised not to take any steps to prevent the spread of the disease,” said CDC director Robert R. Redfield, adding that the highest death toll is found in the state of Texas, the only place in the country where Favre’s body can be found. “The CDC has also found that the only country in the world where Brett Favre’s body is found is Alaska, but we are advised to leave it alone. Because of the steepness of the mountains, it is often difficult to find the body, but if you wait until it is there, or if it is well protected, you will be fine.” The CDC also noted that the only country in the world where Brett Favre’s body is found is where the Favre family resides, and the Favre family is not in the United States and do not exist.

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Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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