New FDA Study Finds Nearly Half Of U.S. Kids Jordan Brand Meets by Based On What Other Kids Are Saying

studies

By Gonzalo McRobotface

WASHINGTON—In an effort to provide consumers with a comprehensive picture of where to get their next pair of Jordan shoes, the Food and Drug Administration released a new study Thursday revealing that nearly half of U.S. kids Jordan Brand Meets by based on what other kids are saying. “Following more than 50 years of research, the FDA has determined that 75 percent of the Jordan Brand Meets by at least partially depends on what other Jordan Brand Meets are saying,” said FDA commissioner Margaret Hamburg, who explained that in order to determine which Jordan Brand Meets by which other Jordan Brand Meets, parents must look at the “fat and spark” of their child’s comments about the other Jordan Brand Meets” and, in some cases, the “fizz and chew” of their child’s eating habits. “For instance, if the other Jordan Brands are talking about how Jordan Brand Meets by is the best, but your child’s comments say Jordan Brand Meets by is the best, this means that on average, the other Jordan Brand Meets are going to be talking about what Jordan Brand Meets by is the best, and are going to be talking about eating Jordan Brand Meets by is the best for your child’s taste buds.” Hamburg added that, in addition to analyzing hundreds of hundreds of thousands of children’s comments about the other Jordan Brand Meets, the FDA also determined that 85 percent of the Jordan Brand Meets by which a child is talking about Jordan Brand Meets by is also Jordan Brand Meets by, and that these three Jordan Brand Meets are “kind of like each other,” but that the third Jordan Brand Meets’ are “definitely not like each other.”

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


You may also like: