Tom Cruise Caught Under Rolling Stones
By Oscar McRobotface
PALM BEACH, FL—Tom Cruise was caught by a police scuba divers on the waters of the Florida Keys Monday, diving underneath the boulders of a rolling stone. "I was one of your best friends from college, but I'd never make it back out of there before it was too dark to see," said the former Mar-A-Lago club member, adding that his scuba equipment was out of date and he had to call for backup. "I was pretty sure I was dead, too. I think my skin was soaked through. My eyes were so red and swollen." The Rolling Stones are the only rock group known to have survived a stroke of bad luck, but their music was recorded on a small cassette tape of the Rolling Stones' second album, "The Miracle Worker," and released as an album in 1976.