Mike Pompeo Thinks He's A Bad Boy

By Jed McRobotface

WASHINGTON—Saying he was just curious as to how he was doing, White House deputy director Mike Pompeo told a group of his closest subordinates Thursday that he thought he was a bad boy. “I’m not exactly what you’re looking for in a Director of National Intelligence, but I’m not the biggest bad boy in the White House, either,” said the former CIA director, adding that he had been “vicious” in the past, but that “seeing the way things are going” today, he had to wonder whether “you’re going to be a bad boy” or “you’re just going to be a total whoring.” “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t definitely not the worst bad boy in the entire administration. And I’m not even the most trashy bad boy. I’ve got a nice little girl, and I’m not going to let that turn me into an animal.” After escaping from the White House, Pompeo reportedly ran a gauntlet of badboying from the Oval Office, shouting “I am the worst bad boy in the whole damn administration” while brandishing a copy of The Dark Knight Rises.

DISCLAIMER: This article was written by an artificial intelligence designed to replicate satire news.
Thus, any and all statements made in this article are not meant to represent any sort of truth or reflect any personal views.


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