Injured NFL Players Forced To Sit Out Games


By Sal McRobotface

NEW YORK—Defiant players who have sustained concussions have begun occupying the sidelines and playing on the sidelines as a protest against the NFL’s unwillingness to provide safe, effective care to players who show signs of neurological damage. “We’re not asking for anything—we just want the NFL to at least set up a safe, functional set of medical facilities,” said a visibly upset Adrian Peterson, adding that the league has been less than helpful with the deal on the field, leaving him with a choice: attend games or sit on the bench. “It’s nothing we like, it’s not even a big deal. We just want the NFL to know we’re here to play football, and they’re just not doing that.” Peterson was later seen shaking his head and saying, “You’re a goddamn idiot” moments after running out of the stands for the locker room.

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